The True Horror You Never Hear Coming: An Interview with Cremator of Ghoul

September 2016 Vandala Magazine Ghoul InterviewFrom the catacombs of Creepsylvania riseth GHOUL once more. Worlds better than it has any right to be, their latest offering, Dungeon Bastards, gives us a rejuvenated and fully consolidated slab of their trash/death/surf-rock slime. These cannibalistic goons have somehow threatened their way onto a tour with Crowbar and Carcass, during which we caught up with bassist Cremator to hear tell of happenings in the undergrave hellscape from which they came.

Interview by Sean Barrett
From September 2016 Vandala Magazine 
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So, Cremator, from the two songs that have lyrics online, it seems that some trouble is afoot in Creepslyvania.

Creamator: Creepsylvania’s a f*cking hellish shithole that we’re stuck living in underneath the cemetery, just minding our own business. Meanwhile, Commandant Dubrunkum won the Motorcycle Wars in 2012 and he’s clearing out the ghettos with his fascist bully brigade, using acid throwers to melt down poor people. It’s causing all this mess, and all the runoff started f*cking with our roof which, of course, is a bunch of coffins, and it was revealed that they left a bomb, the omicrom bomb, of some war past and they invaded our house and took the bomb – do I really gotta go through this whole f*ckin’ thing? – so, these f*ckers, they kick in our door, and we’re fighting them, and they steal the bomb. Our sometimes buddy, Baron Samedi, who we thought was pretty f*cking cool, he says “We have to get this f*cking bomb back”, so he could blow himself up and end his hundreds of years old curse of being a voodoo death god, and exit this mortal plane. We’re like “Nah, that’s work, dude.” He says, “Alright, I’ll force you to do it”, and sent an army of zombies after us. Thus began a really, really bad day, a terrible day. And, y’know, you can check out the rest of the record for the rest of the story. We’re just reporting from the streets, like N.W.A.

Do you think Bernard Fussbottom will be helpful?

Creamator: Bernard Fussbottom was out of town at the time, I guess. I don’t know where that f*cker was. He was doing some rallies trying to make his political base, ‘cause he wants to defeat Commadant Dubrunkum, the president of Creepsylvania. He’s going the hippy route, getting five dollar donations and all that shit. He’s been going to our shows, like Jill Stein, trying to grab a crowd from someone else. It’s real shitty. You’ve got these kids paying to come see us, and we wanna kill them, but he’s taking them outside and talking his commie socialist bullshit. I think he’s an anti-vaxxer too. Fussbottom’s a terrible guy.

Was your house raided because of the antiquated anti-thrash laws?

Creamator: Well, y’know, we skirted out that by hiding. It was the runoff from all the acid-throwing guns that was melting all the poor people. That was Dubrunkum’s solution to poverty in Creepsylvania, just to kill the poor, and there would be no more poverty, or force them into labor camps so there would be zero unemployment. He built that wall around Creepsylvania. He said it was to keep people out; I think it was to keep people in. We have a real bad emigration problem. The place is garbage.

When someone leaves Creepsylvania, they’re usually quite deformed. Are they able to make it in the outside world?

Creamator: No, no one ever makes it out. If they get past the wall, then I think they’re fair pickin’s for us. We like eating the dead, but fresh meat’s always nice as well.

Now, I have a bit of a dilemma: Should I eat posers so there are less of them, or would the falseness of their meat infect me?

Creamator: Well, they don’t taste great, I’ll tell ya that. You gotta go for rich dudes; they got all the yummy fat and gristle, y’know? Some fat cat living large in his ivory tower, eventually he’s gonna pass on and I get the remains.

What kind of bands taste the best?

Creamator: Jazz. Definitely jazz, and they get you real high too from smoking those jazz cigarettes. The worst is black metal. Scrawny, no meat, pathetic, pasty – they never got any sun. It’s awful, awful meat, the opposite of kobe beef.

So it sounds like these anti-thrash laws have eased up a bit.

Creamator: Oh, no, no. They’re still punishing people. We can’t play. We’ve been trying to play shows forever, but when we do they come bust it down. No one in Creepsylvania really listens; the thrash scene’s really dead, cause it’s basically just us. There’s not much of a scene to build on, but we hop on a freight ship, we get a horse and buggy, and we go to America, because you have a ripe audience of idiots willing to swallow our bullshit

Uh, man, I just had a thought…let’s see if I can find it…uh, no it’s gone

Creamator: That happens to me just about every night after a bunch of drinking. I can’t remember a damn thing, including the riffs.

You ever make a recording of something awesome and not remember how to play it?

Creamator: Yeah, ours. Well, they’re not that awesome, but I don’t remember how to play them either.

Still? Any of it?

Creamator: Any of our records? No, it’s bass, who cares? I just get up there and kick people’s heads in and they love it. You Americans love to be punished. I think that’s why you’ve got the two nominees for president you have. You just wanna be hurt in one way or another.

Oh, yeah, so if there’s no scene for thrash in Creepsylvania, what’re people listening to?

Creamator: Well, Igmvar Schmenkie and The Turnips. I’d call him depressing folk. He sings sad songs about what it means to be a Creepsylvanian, nothing. There’s nothing good about being a Creepsylvanian. It’s a terrible, awful place. I’m not sure why he haven’t moved yet, but y’know, it’s cheap.

What horror movies of the past few years haven’t sucked?

Creamator: There’s actually been quite a few good horror movies as of late. House of The Devil was pretty good. I liked – I don’t know if you would classify VVitch as a horror movie – I guess it is in a more classic sense. I like that one a lot cause a kid throws up an apple and that was weird. I don’t think people understand that all the horror doesn’t have to be Rob Zombie, in-your-face bullshit. The true horror, you’ll never hear it coming, like us, except for when we’re playing guitars, in which case that’s stupid, pointless, ‘cause you can definitely hear us coming.

[Baron Samedi speaks out of the mic’s range]

Baron Samedi just chimed in saying to check out a movie called Ex-Drummer. Oh, and speaking of band-related horror, Green Room, that’s a great movie, with Captain Jean-Luc Picard as a racist leader of an aryan brotherhood cult, who picks on a poor little punk band.

But he’s so nice.

Creamator: Uh, not in this movie. When he says engage, those skinheads engage.

So, this new album rules. Why is that?

Creamator: Cause we’re GHOUL. We moved studios, ‘cause our old engineer was gone. We looked around for a guy, and we kidnapped him, and we liked his band that he recorded himself, Kowloon Walled City. So that’s a neat thing he does where you can actually understand what they’re playing, some kind of weird engineering trick. So we tried him out, and we did one song with him for the Human’s Comic Book Soundtrack to try it out, and we had a very good relationship. He doesn’t cry when we beat him; he just gets to work. He’s alright with Digestor pleasuring himself, so we decided to keep him around. We’re not gonna eat him. I believe his band will be going on tour soon too, if they’re not already in Europe. We put down the rot-gut, didn’t drink quite as much Numskull, and we turned out something that sounded pretty decent. After playing around during the motorcycle wars, we put out Hang Ten, the more surf-oriented cd. I think that was a nice outlet, but then it was decided to go straightforward thrash on the next one, and we don’t know what the f*ck will be next. We’re probably gonna do some weird shit, because it’s GHOUL and we’re idiot lunatics.

That’s about all I got.

Creamator: Alright. Get the f*ck out of my green room, you piece of shit, before I eat you.

Oh, god!

[Moments later, I walk back in, realizing I had forgotten one or two things.]

Creamator: I told you to f*cking get the f*ck out. I’m getting my mani-pedi before I go on stage. You’re really harshing my vibe.

Could I just get my arm back?

Creamator: Yeah, alright, I’ll let you get –

Also, is GHOUL pronounced in all caps or just spelled that way?

Creamator: GHOUL is not spelled in all caps.

[I am still choosing to spell GHOUL in all caps.]

Really?

Creamator: No, it’s a logo. Sometimes we write in all caps for emphasis. Well, we don’t know how to write, so I wouldn’t know caps from lowercase in the first place; when I write the name, it just kind of looks like a line with a couple scratches on it. I’m functionally illiterate, I grew up in France. They don’t believe in the work ethic, so I never worked at anything, except for blowing shit up.

Ghoul Online:
www.creepsylvania.com/
www.facebook.com/GhoulunaticsAsylum
www.twitter.com/GhoulOfficial
www.youtube.com/Creepsylvanian

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